Love

The opposite of love is indifference, not hate. I've heard that several times in the last few years at Granger Community Church. Today, I'm spending time dwelling on that statement.

When it comes to the suffering in the world, indifference is much worse than hate. But I believe that in our culture we take this to an excruciating extreme.

How often do we see women and men staying in relationships that are physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. The act of abuse out of "love" is better than the alternative, no "love" at all. In my own life, I experience this in other ways. Either with a sarcastic friend/acquaintance, who pokes fun of me "out of love". Or with my sarcasm and criticism of those who I want to be liked by. But the truth is, in these scenarios, either I'm being hurt or I'm hurting another.

How messed up is that? The primary way I feel and express love is through pain. When do I start loving like Jesus and expecting that same kind of love in return?

I guess it goes back to how I express and define love.

I'm not saying that these people in my life don't honestly care about me. They do. They and I just don't know how or are scared to express it in a true way. And it all stems from vulnerability."If I joke, than we are all laughing." No rejection."I really like this person, but if he/she doesn't return those feelings, I'll be wounded. So I'm going to berate them in some way first." I'll reject you before you can reject me. And now I've manipulated you into having some sort of feelings for me. It may not be love, but its not indifference (I am so embarrassed knowing I have done this.)

Can't we find a place where we can love everyone without it becoming lopsided and twisted? Possibly. But first, we have to redefine love (or understand its true meaning.)

Love isn't sex, attraction, compatibility, romance, passion, wealth, success, or even marriage. Not that these are bad. They can be great. They are natural by-products of love, but not love itself. When we begin to think these attributes are love, we head down a path of sin. Lust, greed, pride, and envy all spawn from these false definitions of love.

So what is love?

Paul defined love in his first letter to the Corinthians.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

I have heard these verses many many times. I know them in my head, but not in my heart. It's not like I don't understand them. It's that I don't recognize them. I don't see love in myself or most others. By this definition, we are all terrible lovers.

How do we become better lovers? The answer is simple and nothing new to my fellow Christ-followers. Be more like Christ. We have the instructions in the gospel. Jesus loved, truly loved all he came in contact with. He wasn't romantic, attracted, or drawn toward any one person. He loved them all equally and still does.

Does this mean you must like everyone and be liked by everyone? Do you think He liked everyone? Probably not. But he loved them. He loved them/us enough to die on the cross. That's love. That's truth.

None of this is original. I have heard it either in messages, books, or conversations (if any of you can pinpoint where I might have, please let me know.) But today this knowledge has moved from my head to my heart. As a single women over 30, I continually think to myself, "how great it would be to be loved." But when did I ever stop being loved?

Today, I'm asking myself this question as well as...Where in my life am I substituting attention for love? How do I deal with my perceived indifference? How do I use my new revelation in my life ministry? And, how do I become a lover like Christ?

I hope you all do the same.